Never surrender.

Whenever anything happens now, my husband says, "You should blog about that," or "Add that to the blog." It's true that so many little blog-worthy anecdotes keep making themselves known, and I have to fight the urge to just post and post and post. I'm trying to find that line where I share what's going on with me, yet keep a modicum of privacy, too. The thing about this blog was that it was never really intended for an audience, more for my own sanity and also a way for me to keep track of my journey. But, now there's an audience.

So.

Uh.

Hello!

Ugh.

Did that scare you?

Sorry.

Didn't mean to sound so chipper.

Hey.

Too casual?

Okay.

Hi.

That's better.

Moving on.

My name is Nari.

I'm half-Korean, half-Caucasian.

I just turned thirty about a month ago.

I'm married with two kids.

I work at a major Ivy League university.

I have a graduate degree in creative writing and film theory.

I have hobbies but have very little time to indulge them.

I have friends but have very little time to indulge them.

And I have cancer.

Stage 4 metastatic her2neu+ invasive ductal breast cancer.

If you want to be specific.

As much as I hate to do it, I feel like I have to tack on this last part. About the cancer. Having cancer doesn't define me as a person, at least I hope not, but it sure is a major part of my life right now. But, you know, I'm okay with it. It was a shock at first - after all, I just turned thirty! - but in this case I think it's more important to just accept it and move on than to dwell in the depths of despair, to quote Anne Shirley. So, I'm moving on from the initial shock. I'm getting the best possible treatment I can get. This past week was pretty rough, but I got through it. And there's going to be more rounds of chemo coming up, and those are probably going to be even worse, but I'm going to get through those, too. Because life is short as it is. And when there's so much to live for, you tend to focus more on the quality rather than quantity of life. This is all just one big means to a very significant end.

Remission.

The climb to the top of the mountain is steep and rocky and arduous, without many opportunities for reprieve, and maybe you fight off a few predators along the way. But, man, would you look at that view?